And it's hard at the end of the day..

Sometimes when you're hurt so deeply it doesn't sink in. It doesn't register until you're alone and have time to think. Like on buses, and while you're lying in bed at night. Then it hits, and it hits hard.
I need some distraction.
I'm sorry I'm pressurising you. Again. Why can't we just meet up and discuss it though? sigh.
I realise I keep asking and keep trying to get to the bottom of things, to find out what's wrong when you say you want time to think. I'm sorry I keep asking. I guess I just don't understand anything at all. No, I KNOW I don't understand anything at all. It's like being in a very dark room, and your only match has burnt out, and you need to find the exit. I keep feeling my way around, but I come up with nothing.
oh beautiful release
I know it's hard for you. Realise then, it's like a million times harder for me, cause I've nothing to think about, I know what I want, and all I'm left with is wondering what you want. And hoping that you will eventually come to the conclusion that we want the same thing, and we can get it back.
Yesterday I had nothing to do so I took buses around, and I ended up at the Esplanade, at the small park opposite Fullerton. Do you realise the significance of those places? Do you still remember? Sometimes now, I don't want to remember anymore, cause it just hurts too much, but I can't help it.
memories seep from my veins
I'm sorry for everything I've done wrong and I wish I could just grab a calander and flip back, back to when the world was just the two of us and we couldn't find any fault with each other. I guess you want that too. I hope you believe in me enough to want that. We can make it happen again, if you believe in me as much as I do in you.
I'm turning into the kind of person I don't like, the type who begs and pleads for something. I don't like it, but I'm so fucking close to it. Closerthanthis.

I've blocked you in MSN, I'm going to be open with it. Please, if you have anything left to say to me, call me or text me. My phone's always with me, always waiting for your number to flash on the screen.
I'm so very sorry, but I don't want to have the temptation of talking to you and possibly fucking up any chances I have left.

If I even have any left.

let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight


I just want the week to end.